A Kinder, Gentler Annoyed Persona. aka.. Slightly Irritated.

Things that Irritate me lately:

Podcasts. I tried. It’s too much like talk radio which reminds me of Schwetty Balls on SNL which IS FUNNY, as a skit, not as a 59.4 minute cross-talk section of people talking about absolutely nothing.  or ball shaped food.

Boss-Babes. No.

5 minute video-vlog-information that could have been delivered in one sentence or a tik snap vine thing.

Hashtag ‘SO and SO is over/Cancel Culture’ (I wrote a blog about this but I canceled the post because it irritated me so much because I was so irritated by it’s irritability of both what I wrote and that fact that it is even a “thing”  right now. )

Political memes with wildly inaccurate facts, not even intended to be funny.  No. I’m pretty sure she’s not running a fight club under a a doughnut shop.

Trolls without a proper fake profile pic.  Just. Pure. Laziness. bro. At least take the time to steal a profile pic or hack into stock photos.

People who are still making fun of the People of Walmart. Seriously, my kid knows better.

Blow-OUT “Savings” on Life-Style Webinars or products of those webinars.  “I am rich & pretty AND I do good yoga.  I am gonna tell you how I got this way, but you don’t have to pay as much as the person did last week, on my 5 minute 5 point Plan (based on MY opinion and only MY experience).  A vacuum of contradiction and double speak.

Photo-Stock pictures.  Because when I want to read a blog, I want to read a blog.  Unless it’s a picture /gif of a Dog being terrified of a tiny cat. I’m grown – I don’t need pictures to keep my attention. (and if you do, sorry you won’t find them here.  But Also… part of my irritation with this is..me.  I am picture-loading-editing illiterate. I’m terrible at it.  And usually if I’m irritated with someone or something , it’s because I can’t do it and I’m jealous.)

    9 times out of 9.1,  I just want to know how to make chocolate chip cookies. I cannot read the recipe on the back of the bag because I cannot find my glasses, but I CAN enlarge your blog and I do not want to enlarge your blog, to see 800 pictures of your Chef’s Kitchen.   I have friends with beautiful Chef’s kitchens that I can hang out in real life.  . I can go ALSO go on Facebook to see pictures of them making chocolate chip cookies in their Chef’s kitchens.  AND if you do have to put a picture in your chocolate chip recipe blog, please make it realistic. WE all know that if you have a Chef’s Kitchen, you got people living up under that roof and messes were made and  a Gif of “I CANT HEAR THE GAME SHARON” ….would be much more realistic.

Articles/Blogs on how badly we parent.  Pretty sure, we can figure that out all by ourselves. I don’t need a 2000 word essay bullet pointing out every. single. one. of . my . mistakes.

Blasting consumerism during the holidays. Look, I get it – we consume. And sometimes it is WAY out of hand.  But why not focus on the good stuff. Small Biz Saturdays.  Social time spent with family (I LOVE shopping with my daughter.) Finding good deals. Sharing good deals.  Or How you insanely embarrassed your teen child is at every possible American Eagle type of store.  Knowingly and Willingly participating in their embarrassment by staring at them and saying “I can’t believe how much you have grown since last Christmas”, in front of American Eagle staff and crew.   Transcendent Eye Rolling abound.

Pretty much anyone blasting anyone, for the way they celebrate their holidays.  Spoiling the grandchildren is not a crime and buying LUSH bath-bombs at 15 dollars a pop is not a crime.  Indulgent? Maybe a little silly? Possibly Wondering if you could easily make this at home if you were a bit more patient with Pinterest? YES all that.. But not a crime. So calm down Social Justice Consumers – just CALM DOWN>.

Google Cows Farting,  I think there is much more to be had there.  Find a way to cut down on cow farts.  And then we can integrate that into our home life and no one has to clear a room an hour later, after Spot inhaled Little Jada’s hot dog by accident. Pay It Forward with your research on how to cut down on overall flatulent emissions.

I am trying to be less of a negative person. Less cynical and jaded. ( I know right? You’re asking, “wait, Did I switch blog-pieces by accident?”)  Anyways,  I prefer to adopt the term  ‘Slightly Irritated. ‘  Maybe a “kinder-gentler” version of Lewis Black. He screams, I pick on the mundane. It’s all in good fun.

I think the reason these things irritate me is because they are an assault on my senses.  I consume information through reading, writing and comedy.  Drama and droning voices on a webinar or a podcast sound “thirsty.”  Wait, or maybe it’s too reminiscent of college learnin’.  Where the tinny taste of endless diet cokes & weekend-long AND distanced hangovers, hovered like a fog ..on my brain.  So yes, millennials, or however you hath been labeled;  commandeering the darn inter-webs,  all of my irritations listed above are TRIGGERS. I’m triggered.

Or sometimes I recoil at people who look an awful lot like me, in their Glitter-lettered “I’m so Bleeping GRATEFUL” tunics & LulaGupta leggings , dancing around their kitchen making it rain with their Boss-Babe money. I guess… because I tried to do the ‘Boss Babe Glitter Money’ thing once, and wow! did it bring up a lot of insecurities in very odd ways.

The Inter-webs is triggering A>F.   It can be a source of great joy, laughter and connection. It can be a reflection. It can be an addiction. (been there, and I’m pretty sure I spend too much time on it, especially this time of year for some reason).  It can be lots of things.

For me, sifting through its idiosyncrasies and banality , is part of our life today. While we all may yearn to be disconnected and “off the grid” at times, it’s also a giant source of comparability and contradictions , that ironically; levels the playing field a bit.

Right now, I am able to connect with the masses (.03 followers.) and exercise my creative outlet  through this beautiful monster.  I am able to make maybe one person laugh or roll their eyes or evoke emotion  THROUGH rolling their eyes. And isn’t that what it’s all about?  Feeling Connected to our emotions ? Feeling connected to others – even if it’s through a virtual platform?

I’ll take the internet over “off the grid”, living any-day. Yes, it’s important to disconnect and God knows my family needs to do much more of it. We will find our way. I will find my way to balance.  Until then, I will keep trying to come up with “funky ass shit like every single day”* (Or other day, or every other other day) via the internet.

also, I have no idea why I’m using hath or thou.

* Quote from Snoop Dogs Gin and Juice and thanks to the internet for giving me this ability because I had LEGIT forgotten what the name of the song was and only remembered various lyrics form this song and without the internet I would have had to get on my neon phone and call someone and ask.